I’m always asked these sorts of questions on @alloaroworlds: What you think I can do to be a better ally to you? Can you recommend any good informative/resource posts allies should check out?
Even though I have spoken about the importance of allies engaging in their own research to find our previous answers to the usual questions, my future safety and acceptance as an allo-aro in a-spec spaces is dependent on my ability now to present and re-present this information. This page, therefore, lists my activism-focused posts from Tumblr and WordPress.
This post should serve only as a launching-off point for your investigating and supporting other allo-aro bloggers, activists and creatives. This post collates one person’s view on being allo-aro and it does not (and should not!) stand for a whole community’s activism.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that most allo-aro resources, at this stage of our small community, are going to be grassroots and informal. If you’re waiting for fancy websites and mainstream journalism discussions, you’re doing allo-aro activists now a grave disservice.
Allyhood and How to Ally
- Why posts encouraging allo-aros to do the labour of correcting and educating our allies isn’t true allyhood.
- Why allies framing allo-aros as a valuable addition to the aromantic community, as opposed to our being unquestionably part of it, provokes further feelings of alienation.
- Why it’s important to give allo-aros non-activist posts and spaces to vent to each other about our experiences, alienation and frustration.
- Why it’s so important to name and credit allo-aro creators, authors and essayists when referencing allo-aros in broader aromantic and a-spec discussions.
- Why allies should not speak on the subject of allo-aro representation (and the harm caused by promoting sex-negative understandings of “ideal” representation).
Allo-Aro Alienation, Erasure and Antagonism
- Why the flooding of aromantic tags with asexual-only and non-aromantic content is an accessibility issue that denies allo-aros equitable access to our own spaces.
- A screencap essay demonstrating some of the asexual-only content dominating aromantic tags and how it makes me feel as an allo-aro.
- Why it bothers me to see asexuals using my allo-aro posts to start conversations about asexuality and asexual activism.
- Why the asexual habit of derailing allo-aro conversations about sexual attraction and relationships with comments about asexual needs, attraction or incomprehension pushes us out of our own conversations.
- Why accusations of “splitting the community” or “hating aro-aces” in response to allo-aros voicing antagonism or erasure is doing nothing to benefit the aromantic community.
- Why the assumption that allo-aros have a complete or even any separation between our allosexual and our aromantic spectrum identities alienates many allo-aros.
- Why I feel required to check my allosexuality at the door in order to participate within the aromantic community as an aro.
- Several allo-aros talking about the need to push aside our allosexual experiences in order to engage with the aro community.
- Why we need to avoid sex-negative phrases like “allo-aros aren’t just people who want to sleep around” in community conversations and definitions.
A-Spec Community Inclusion and Terminology
- A list of ways in which you can make your a-spec community more welcoming to and inclusive of allo-aros.
- A list of ways in which you can make your aromantic community more welcoming to and inclusive of allo-aros.
- Why it’s important to use “allosexual aromantic” alongside “non-asexual aromantic” in positivity and informative posts when referring to allo-aros.
- A list of common a-spec terms and how to use them in ways that don’t alienate, erase or harm allo-aros.
- Why “allosexual” is a word without contention in the aromantic community and a hesitancy in using it is harming allo-aros.
- Why I think “allo-aro” can mean “someone on the aromantic spectrum who experiences and/or wishes to equally centre their sexual attraction”.
- Why some asexuals are also allo-aro and must be made welcome inside private and closed allo-aro spaces.
- Why allo-aros feel that asexuals don’t permit us to be overtly allo-aro in aromantic and even allo-aro-specific spaces.
- My feelings on feeling a-spec enough against a context of a-spec community language not being made by or for allo-aros.
- Why I use the phrase “some aros are allosexual” and the problems with non-allosexual aros treating casual sex references in allo-aro spaces as a problem.
- My allo-aro manifesto: terminology, definitions and community expectations inside and outside a-spec spaces.
- Why being allo-aro and nebularomantic/idemromantic now makes me uncomfortable with the term “aro-spec”.
- Why the allo-aro (aroallo, aro allo, allo-aro) community has a wonderful flexibility of language when it comes to order, spacing and punctuation.
- Why care needs to be taken in deciding what flag (or flag combination) you use to represent your general a-spec space.
Advisory Culture and Labelling
- Why the expectation that we warn for all references to sex and sexual attraction but never warn for sex-negative language alienates otherwise-queer allo-aros.
- Reasons why the sex-negative language used in describing experiences of sex repulsion may be triggering for sex-favourable a-specs.
- A list of discussion points aromantics can consider when looking to make community warning culture more accommodating of allo-aros.
- Why the historical, erasing use of “asexual community” meaning “all a-specs” requires asexuals to clearly label asexual-only spaces.
- Why you need to specifically mention that your general aromantic community, project or event is inclusive of allo-aros.
- Why “aro-ace” doesn’t mean “a-spec”, and why we need to avoid sexualising discussions of sexual attraction in a-spec spaces.
Allo-Aro Experience and Identity
- Why hard, inflexible determinations of what is and isn’t romantic will harm allo-aros in ways not experienced by other aromantics.
- Why allo-aro isn’t an adult-only identity (and why adults must stop policing allo-aro teenagers away from labelling their attraction).
- Why we need to understand, celebrate and define allo-aro identity as more inclusive of fluid folks, including allo-aros who are in part asexual.